Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Sometimes I hit the wall, both personally and professionally. Hey, I figure it's just natural. A co-worker was telling me about an article he read stating that every person has a cycle, both upward and downward in terms of mood, perceived luck, strength and coping ability. The people that struggle with life are those who's cycle is too long or too deep in either direction. It makes sense, doesn't it?

I'm in a down cycle. I accept it, and I'm trying to learn to sleep better with this cycle. I don't readily accept the notion that every cycle I have and how deeply I may waiver is just a natural phenomenon. I'm sure things in my life and choices I've made influence the heights and depths of the valleys and peaks, and the experiences I have also affect me similarly.

Last week my mother asked me about my relationship with my girlfriend. How frustrated are you? How do you feel after this amount of time that nothing has really changed in her situation in regards to her house and her divorce? You know, I've been kept so busy this summer that I haven't thought about it much. I am giving up hope though. It's sad. I don't even want to hear about the subject anymore.

I guess what might be bothering me this particular week is that no matter what I do or how patient I've been with this whole thing, when I make the inevitable mistake in the relationship, like showing a lack of patience from time to time or not exactly living up to a perceived standard, I'm the one not getting any sleep and questioning my worth and my ability to sustain what I've gotten myself into.

Sometimes I feel like I don't know myself that well, but I'm certain I know myself better than anyone else knows me and I know I wouldn't be in the position I'm in with this relationship if I didn't feel inside that it's a positive for me and that the end result after all this frustration is going to be happiness. It's a hard road to haul though.

These last few days, I don't even know what to say, if I did know, I'm not sure I would say anything anyway. Seems to me my mouth is just getting me in trouble and there are subjects I will not swim through.



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