Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Hot Chip

It seems like i agreed to go see Hot Chip months ago. I needed the distraction, i guess. With all the shit going through my mind pertaining to my own health and all the mounting worries involved with that crap.

I got the news that i'm now fighting high cholesterol, on top of the daily mental battles i have with my daily activities.

I just back from seeing my doctor and once again, she seems to think i'm represing some kind of depression. I'm not saying that's not true, but i see people every single day that aren't happy and that doesn't mean depression and it certainly doesn't mean they are dealing with the same kind of health issues i'm facing. The pressure on my chest is back, every other hour i think i'm having a heart attack. Ofcourse, that sounds exactly like what i went through before with the anxiety and panic attacks, but i still think this is a little different. The pressure i feel now is not only on my chest but it's moved down into my stomach and ofcourse, me being me, i'm wrapping myself into a spiral of worry. I would be a hell of alot better if i was around my girfriend and the kids.

You know what's weird? Reading that back, i think it's strange that what should be causing me anxiety (thinking of a future family life) is actually what i think would stop this crazyness. Of course i can't just jump into something like that, but i don't fear it.

So now, i stress over work, because nothing ever seems to go right when i try my best to do the best for my clients.

I stress over my family. My mother isn't doing well... She's trying to be positive and i respect that, but i worry about her surgery in the coming month. My mother's health issues over the last year or two also make it worse for me because i worry about my health in relation to hers.

I guess what i need to think about is going through all the tests my doctor wants to put me through. I want to rule anything out and work from there. If i need to be back on medicine to control my anxiety and "depression", then that's what i need to do, i can't just fuck around anymore.

Here are some Hot Chip videos... They Rocked last night in the T-dot. Check these out!


Post a Comment

<< Home