Thursday, April 13, 2006

Self Esteem Left Behind

Self Esteem is fragile. I've learned that over the years, and having a teenage sister definitely helps bring out the point even further.

She's had a struggle with school for years and she's at the point at the age of 18, where she can't yet count money or tell time on an analog watch. Small things like going to the mall on public transit or maintaining an interesting conversation seems to be well outside her reach at this point.

I wonder if her developmental issues were all brought on by my parent's divorce. It seems that her crazy ticks may have been caused by just that and what's to say the slowing of her learning isn't in the same boat?

This lack of self esteem and ability to cope has cost her much. She's unable to get herself a job because most jobs for girls involve a cashier's position, where counting money is a main aspect of the work. I feel for her and I try to feel like I'm not responsible for her lack of development, but sometimes it's hard.

I'm struggling today myself. I've got my own periods of self esteem leaks. It all started with last week's weigh-in, when I found that I actually gained 2 pounds from when I got back to my running. I know I haven't exactly started a regimented diet as of yet, but the number (which I know isn't all that important) got me down. Since then, the week following it had been very tiring for me. I haven't sleep well and I haven't had the drive to keep going with what I know is good for me.

It's one of those weeks where you just feel like there's no way you'll ever get to where you want to be physically. I feel bad, but I'll manage.



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