Thursday, May 04, 2006

Lessons Learned

I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and still, every morning I come into the office and anticipate a lovely good morning message on my voicemail. It doesn't happen anymore, but when I think about how long we've been in the relationship, I shouldn't be surprised, but it really doesn't feel like it's that long. I still feel like even though we've been through so much together, our lives have still been apart enough that a year has not set in.

Yesterday I was articulating how I see relationships and although this is always in my mind, when you put it into words, it really sinks in.

When my parents got divorced, the one thing that stuck with me is that a relationship is fragile. I think maybe I've got an idea that relationships are too fragile. After all, most of my relationships have gone by the way side for much less reasons than you would think. I know that both people in a relationship need to put the work in, to pay attention to each other, cover each other, listen and care for each other, be supportive of each other. In a relationship, practically anything you do, has an effect on the other person and in my mind, it's acting independently in what is a more dependent format that causes the rough patches.

The advantage my girlfriend has with her kids is that they are young enough to not really see any of the ugliness or consequence of emotions affecting their parents. It was more difficult for me, knowing exactly what was happening and seeing my parents wrench up with emotion and feeling sour over every little thing they were being put through.

You can't guarantee success in a relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and all you can do is teach your children that with some work, they too will encounter some heartache, but with some more work, good decisions and some good luck, they will find someone who will enhance your existence while you reciprocate. There's only so much a parent can do to help their children from being hurt.



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