Friday, March 06, 2009

Home is Where It Is...

A home owner now. A whole new set of responsibilities and headaches, but this time it's for the better, it's something that can't frustrate you, only serve to make you more complete and grow up for a change.

It's been an exciting ride so far although i have a typical experience with an unscrupulous roofer that is trying to rip me off, but i won't go into that.

I tried for so long to hold off on this move... to buy a house or just plain move out of my mother's place and it just didn't come together until now. 32 years old, that's only slightly pathetic, but such is the reality. I suppose it was simply a money issue and being brought up the way i was, the son of an immigrant couple in a new country, having to scrimp and save every single day for a better future, made me want to hold on to money as much as possible. Yes, i guess some would call it cheap, i just call it being very afraid. I'm constantly in fear of what could be coming around the corner and how will i be able to survive it. For this, i hold onto my money as much as possible, as though it will make a difference.

I'm not certain of much, will i be able to afford my lifestyle, will i have a job next month, will i need to help my family out? Too much uncertainty.

I do worry about things, but i'm happy to say, that it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm more clear headed and assured of many things. This is just one of those primal fears that were instilled in me early on. I live the fear that my parents had through my developing years. Jeez, you'd think figuring this out would have helped me get over it. I'm not Obama and change doesn't come easy for me, for any of us come to think of it.

Certainty is something i value and these days uncertainty is the only guarantee.

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