Monday, June 19, 2006

A Hockey Game With Mind Play

Watching the last hockey game of the season... finally. The Canadians are going to go crazy with depression after the Hurricanes take the Stanley Cup, but they are the better team after all, they were the better team all throughout the season, why not win it all?

I was also thinking and wondering why i have been feeling so down for the last few days and i have a few ideas.
  1. I think i too am worried and depressed over my girlfriend losing her job. I know she's going to be successful in finding a new job and she will do well in whatever she does, but i under estimated how much this would affect me, and my hard time started close to her last official day at work. I guess i didn't really let it get to me before, because i try to be the "rock", the stable influence, but i should've learned from previous experiences and realized that i can't do that effectively anymore. I need to mourn and worry like everyone else. I need to work on that.
  2. When you as a couple are facing diet and weight issues, it's easy to get depressed when you look in the mirror. One thing i've thought for some time now, is that it's not healthy for a relationship, when the central focus of both your actions and your conversation is your battle with your weight. I realize for my own part, that i'm just lazy and frankly, not completely willing to do everything possible for myself. Maybe i just don't like myself enough, or i'm not respecting my relationship enough to be the best i can be. Ok... that's a bit extreme, but the point is, sometimes the focal point of my conversations these days revolve around how much exercise myself and my girlfriend have had and what we have ingested in the form of meals today. It's just not a healthy thing to have common ground on.
Well, there you have it. It took me a few days to figure this out. I mean, for some time, i know what bothers me, but i never really accept these things and their concequences. I suppose i want to believe that nothing is really wrong or that i'm strong enough to deal with what i perceive to be the same ol' thing that others deal with everyday. I wonder how many households and how many relationships are dealing with the same stressors?

I know i'm so lucky in so many respects. My life has only improved in the last year and few months since i've been in my relationship. I've had more confidence and a greater sense of direction, which can only be a good thing for me. I know what you're thinking. How can the guy writing this have been any less confident before? It was possible... trust me.



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