Monday, March 20, 2006

Anatomy of a Bad Night

I worry sometimes, sometimes all I do is worry. A while back my sister was having chest pains, which is always a scary thing, regardless of the reasons for that pain. Well, it seems the doctors made the diagnosis that this chest pain of hers was due to anxiety and feeling the pressure of being a teenager.

Being familiar with her story, I try not to think about my own body's reactions to whatever is going on in my own life, but sometimes it does worry me. I wonder what is going on with my body, I wonder what is happening inside my chest.

Last night I had some severe chest pains, right over the heart area. Of course it worries me. Trying to get to sleep when you feel a chest pain is not easy, and then the brain starts working, trying to put together what could possibly be going wrong, and then two hours later, finally at 2:15 am, you get to sleep.

A night like that always leaves me floored the next day. Today I'm walking around with a light -headedness I used to feel years ago when things were getting to me.

The problem is that it happens from time to time. There is a period in between these sensations that I completely forget about that kind of pain, so for a split second each and everytime, I wonder if this is it, is this a heart attack? It's a difficult way to think.

I'm a worry wart when it comes to my health, I know I'm not necessarily helping myself in the way that I'm inactive for a portion of the year, but now I worry about my heart, I worry about cancer since my mother had it. It's not a healthy way to go about things, I know, but it's me... for now.

All I know is that although my anxiety doesn't disappear completely when my girlfriend is around, I still feel so much better. I don't remember the last time I had that same chest and heart pain feeling when she's spent the night or when I've spent a day walking with her. I hope all this goes away in time. We'll see.

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