The Case Of The Ingrate

Sometimes you just get smacked in the face with reality. I have to wonder what I'm in for and what i can take. The future should be brighter, save for the grey hair (if i have any left).

I struggle with my patience. My patience for kids that aren't mine, which i never did want. I made a decision, either out of selfishness or plain old personal weakness to not have any kids of my own and was able to use the excuse that my girlfriend already has kids to get a vasectomy and ensure that I'm not responsible for any of my own. Maybe that's it, maybe I'm just running from the responsibility.

They get on my nerves sometimes, most times...kids. I know the typical "kids are kids and kids will be kids" bullshit people spew and you know what?, to some extent i can even see how that works, but ultimately aren't parents responsible to their kids? Aren't they responsible for setting up the foundation for their values, beliefs and general sense of being at an early age?

My girlfriend's kids can be the cutest, loving, caring kids... when it strikes their fancy. They are forever un-appreciative of the slightest you might do for them. Are they spoiled? yes. Can they be taught that not everything that happens in their life is their right? yes. Father has money and will spend at will to keep them quiet. What happens when they get outta line? Not much, you know why? They don't get outta line as frequently with their father as they do around their mother and myself. There are no consequences with us. I can't do anything as the eunuch that i am in the relationship and when all mother does is scream her head off, it turns into a screaming match or you learn to phase out the screaming and carry on.

I had a difficult time going away with the kids this time around. The lack of respect for the adults and the situation in general was just eating at me. I couldn't deal with it and to keep from saying anything, i just kept my mouth shut and shut down my brain as much as possible. I survived by living moment to moment, seeing it all as chapters of a dull book i had to read in English class, knowing that there is a last chapter and i can move on.

It seemed that no matter what the activity, no matter how much was spent, it was only a matter of time before the next whiny complaint was hurled at us. There was always something boring, something wrong, something they didn't get that they wanted to get. It was a never ending stream of "gimme this, gimme that, i can't believe we have to do this, this is the worst". I just gave up emotionally.

I have to hand it to my girlfriend. She's their mother of course so it's expected to some point that she'll deal with this, but it takes so much patience and restraint, it's admirable.

Now this year, I'm not able to go on our usual week long trip out of town, so they are going without me. When asked "Are you happy you don't have to go with us and deal with the kids", My answer of course is "No, I'm not happy about that". But who am i kidding?

Looking for Some Time

Big trip coming up. I've been away with the kids before, but it's always been with some kind of child distraction available. When we go to Delawanna Inn, the kids are in camp programs and there are entertainment programs after dinner. Just a way to keep the people from getting bored, but more importantly, to keep the kids from driving parents nuts every night.

This weekend, it's off to Niagara Falls and to just a simple hotel for 1 night. It will be tough to keep the kids distracted enough. There's always the water park, the arcade, the restaurants and museums, etc, but ultimately kids never get enough.

I just know that a trip like this is never a relaxing kind of affair, and in my mind, most trips should be. When you get a chance to take time off work, it should be to unwind and recharge your batteries. This won't be the case for me, but let's just hope the kids are going to keep things cool.

Spring Forward? Who give a shit... really

Isn't it about time that we forget this whole day light saving's time nonsense? Got the whole world messing with their clocks twice a year, giving people the excuses they need to show up at work late, and yet another dumb ass topic to discuss over by the water cooler.

There's no real proof that the clock changing custom is having a big impact on our global energy saving efforts, and i'm sure we can find a more inventive way to remind people to change the batteries in the smoke detector.

I'm just tired of the custom and don't see any point, farmers don't care, people in office buildings and factories don't care, especially in this age of 12-24 hour shift-work.

Time to leave it alone already, we only keep the "fall back" time for 4 months now? Why bother.... America.

Home is Where It Is...

A home owner now. A whole new set of responsibilities and headaches, but this time it's for the better, it's something that can't frustrate you, only serve to make you more complete and grow up for a change.

It's been an exciting ride so far although i have a typical experience with an unscrupulous roofer that is trying to rip me off, but i won't go into that.

I tried for so long to hold off on this move... to buy a house or just plain move out of my mother's place and it just didn't come together until now. 32 years old, that's only slightly pathetic, but such is the reality. I suppose it was simply a money issue and being brought up the way i was, the son of an immigrant couple in a new country, having to scrimp and save every single day for a better future, made me want to hold on to money as much as possible. Yes, i guess some would call it cheap, i just call it being very afraid. I'm constantly in fear of what could be coming around the corner and how will i be able to survive it. For this, i hold onto my money as much as possible, as though it will make a difference.

I'm not certain of much, will i be able to afford my lifestyle, will i have a job next month, will i need to help my family out? Too much uncertainty.

I do worry about things, but i'm happy to say, that it's not as bad as it used to be. I'm more clear headed and assured of many things. This is just one of those primal fears that were instilled in me early on. I live the fear that my parents had through my developing years. Jeez, you'd think figuring this out would have helped me get over it. I'm not Obama and change doesn't come easy for me, for any of us come to think of it.

Certainty is something i value and these days uncertainty is the only guarantee.