Monday, June 26, 2006

It's All A Stage

You ever feel like you are perpetually auditioning? Like you are constantly working to get the part?

When you find yourself in the position of dealing with children and family in a new relationship, make no mistake, you are always on the clock. People are always sizing you up and measuring how you relate to the family and the kids especially.

Am I just being paranoid? Maybe I am. Maybe I can't have an "off" day when I'm around the family in fear of being deemed unfit for the relationship.

God, some days I really wind myself up into a tight rubber ball.

Hell, look at this, even little Anthony got into the picture taking mood. This is the only one that actually turned out:

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Sunday, June 25, 2006

You Know When You're In Trouble?

Funny poster
Originally uploaded by Kattaka.

The Wassaga Beach Day

A day at the beach. It was a long time in the cards and finally arrived.

Now. As is standard with me, something isn't right. Sunny day, nice cool breeze, very good traffic and driving day, nice fresh sandwiches and nice cool drinks.

So what isn't right? I suppose I didn't sleep well enough, maybe I was in a bad mood, maybe, as is the case with me, it just wasn't my day. I wouldn't say that I had a horrible time at all. It was ok with me, potentially nice relaxing day, but for whatever reason, I couldn't really get to the relaxing stage.

There is one thing I've noticed before, and I tried to just put aside in an attempt to comply with the proceedings.

When I first started dating my girlfriend, anytime we were out doing something, as a family or as a couple, the way she would talk to me was with a tender caring voice. Not sickening sweet, but just nice. These days, in the same situation, I find myself playing a part, the part of Kelly to her Ruby.

Kelly is married to Ruby, who is my girlfriend's sister and I won't go into great detail here, but their relationship is not as happy and stable as we would all want, but they try, and that's worthy of a mention. Kelly is a nice guy, but has momentary lapses in judgment. It appears from time to time, he gets in trouble with Ruby, by the way he forgets to get her something, or the way he treats the kids or just plain doing something she feels is stupid. I've heard the tone of voice plenty of times, with as much time as I spend with them.

Why do I get the same tone from my girlfriend?

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

When Friends Aren't Friends

How much responsibility is there in a friendship? Does any pertinent information need to be channeled through your friends first and strangers later? I always thought so. It's just a measurement of how strong a friendship is.

My girlfriend is struggling with this. Her best friend is pregnant. PREGNANT. Not the typical thing you wouldn't tell your friends, you know, maybe as soon as you found out and just after you tell your family.

This is the woman that set me up with her friend for a blind date, later admitting she had a problem with the way our relationship unfolded. All I can say is that this may not end in a friendly fashion at all. We all know when women have words, the words scar. I'll stay out of the way, as best I can. How would you feel if your friend kept such an important thing from you?


Tuesday, June 20, 2006

This Little Girl...

... reminded me that I'm not her daddy.

I know, I know. I AM NOT HER DADDY. I'm not really trying to be, although some aspects of fatherhood would be cool to play out with both her and her cute little brother.

I guess I shouldn't really complain too much, this is only the second time in the last year she's sent me home with teary eyes. I know it's hard for her to see her mother with another person, simply hugging and the odd quick kiss, here and there.

Why though, does she not feel the same way when seeing her daddy hugging, kissing his girlfriend, whom he lives with? My girlfriend seems to think it's different because the person her daddy is hugging is a girl and she's able to connect with a woman better, but I have to wonder how that would come into play with a 5 year old?

It's going to be tough for me. I know there will be more times like tonight and they will happen more frequently as I spend more time with the kids, which is something I want to do. I need to get used to this. Maybe it's something my girlfriend will have to more aggressively discuss with her little girl, in an attempt to help her understand how things will be in the future.

I do want to spend more time with the kids and I just don't want to be hurt over and over. Likewise I don't want to get to the point where I tune this out and turn my feelings off when it comes to the kids as a method of protecting myself. I've done that before (obviously) and it's only been a slightly successful tactic. Time to man up, I guess.

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Messing With The Sasquatch


I Need To Learn This

I think my girlfriend will appreciate this.

Monday, June 19, 2006

A Hockey Game With Mind Play

Watching the last hockey game of the season... finally. The Canadians are going to go crazy with depression after the Hurricanes take the Stanley Cup, but they are the better team after all, they were the better team all throughout the season, why not win it all?

I was also thinking and wondering why i have been feeling so down for the last few days and i have a few ideas.
  1. I think i too am worried and depressed over my girlfriend losing her job. I know she's going to be successful in finding a new job and she will do well in whatever she does, but i under estimated how much this would affect me, and my hard time started close to her last official day at work. I guess i didn't really let it get to me before, because i try to be the "rock", the stable influence, but i should've learned from previous experiences and realized that i can't do that effectively anymore. I need to mourn and worry like everyone else. I need to work on that.
  2. When you as a couple are facing diet and weight issues, it's easy to get depressed when you look in the mirror. One thing i've thought for some time now, is that it's not healthy for a relationship, when the central focus of both your actions and your conversation is your battle with your weight. I realize for my own part, that i'm just lazy and frankly, not completely willing to do everything possible for myself. Maybe i just don't like myself enough, or i'm not respecting my relationship enough to be the best i can be. Ok... that's a bit extreme, but the point is, sometimes the focal point of my conversations these days revolve around how much exercise myself and my girlfriend have had and what we have ingested in the form of meals today. It's just not a healthy thing to have common ground on.
Well, there you have it. It took me a few days to figure this out. I mean, for some time, i know what bothers me, but i never really accept these things and their concequences. I suppose i want to believe that nothing is really wrong or that i'm strong enough to deal with what i perceive to be the same ol' thing that others deal with everyday. I wonder how many households and how many relationships are dealing with the same stressors?

I know i'm so lucky in so many respects. My life has only improved in the last year and few months since i've been in my relationship. I've had more confidence and a greater sense of direction, which can only be a good thing for me. I know what you're thinking. How can the guy writing this have been any less confident before? It was possible... trust me.


The President is an Idiot

Way to make fun of a blind man, Mr. President.

President Bush mocked reporter Peter Wallstein for asking a question with his shades on. What the President didn’t realize at the time was that Mr. Wallstein is legally blind.

I Treasure My Sleep

You gotta hate when you don't sleep properly. I don't remember the last time i went a few weeks with some good sleep. It's either the mother barging in to my room at all times to do whatever the hell she does, the temperature is too hot, too cold, got too many things going on in our complicated lives making all kinds of things pop up in your dreams, breathing is heavy, the hours in a day aren't enough.

It's one of those mornings. I have weak moments, like everyone else and it gets to me, although it shouldn't. As time goes on and i find no stability in my life, i get introspective and often beat myself up over the decisions i've made that have slowed my advance. What the hell... here i am bitching again. Fuck it.


Sunday, June 18, 2006

Hey, It's Father's Day

Yes, once again it's Father's Day. I don't especially consider this a great holiday since my father is pretty much out of my life and no, don't cry for me, this isn't anything that really bothers me much. He's got another life now and has other responsibilities. Of course I would never say a father should forget his children, but you don't know my father. This seems right up his line.

So this day I spent time at my girlfriend's sister's place and of course I got to see my future god daughter and her smiley face, which is always nice.

So, with my ever negative outlook on things, here's the deal. I've had a harder time handling the kids the last couple of times I've seen them. Not that I can't deal with them or something, just that they seem to wear on me earlier in the evening, and I don't feel too hot about that. I know I would be able to get further along with the kids if it weren't for them all being together, my girlfriend's and her sister's kids together that is. Wow, sometimes it's tiring.

I can't wait for our day out at Sibbald Point. We went there last summer and I think we all had a great time and it will be a break, seeing the kids all together but outdoors in a park.

What... just thinking about it. What the hell am I talking about here? I can just see Emma running off in every direction when someone's not looking, Anthony needing an escort everywhere and dealing with the two older girls getting along with each other and any other kids playing in the park and water. It's gonna be an active day, but I still think it'll be fun.

So here's some shots of the day:


Saturday, June 17, 2006

Royal Botanical Gardens

Wow, the weather is really co-operating with my desire to get out and see things once again. Actually, the weather is so warm and humid, hydrating yourself is becoming a task in itself, but down by the shore in Hamilton, the breeze was welcoming and relaxing. It's unfortunate that I didn't have my camera with me on that walk (left it in the car), because I would like to show you the scenery, but I don't think this was my only visit there, it was beautiful.

We did take a trip out to the Royal Botanical Gardens and the weather had a definite affect on the plan life in that area. Actually with the RBG, James Gardens and High Park itself have been disappointing with the plant life. The heat kills everything rather quickly and leaves photographers wanting for more.

Next year, I'll have to take advantage of the spring a whole lot more and maybe I'll find my pictures folder full of color again.

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Thursday, June 15, 2006

Slight Case of The Guilties

So as I keep harping on, I don't see my girlfriend enough. The thing is, we both are still living our own lives to a certain extent... well, she's living more of her life, since she has a hell of a lot more responsibilities than I do at the moment. So what's this all about? What's with the guilt. Well... it comes down to sex again, but doesn't everything?

After complaining that I don't spend enough time with her, I feel like I don't quite get everything out of her visits when we don't get down and sweaty... umm.. maybe the sweaty isn't really the desirable. Anyway... I guess sometimes you just aren't in that mood and I felt a little weird about it, I think I could see it in her eyes, she was wondering why I wasn't all over her and I know I was acting unlike myself. Yeah, I guess sometimes I'm the uncontrolled dog *pant*pant*.

So as she drove off on her way home, a feeling of guilt kind of came over me. It's not something that is eating at me, after all, someone's feeling are someone's feelings. The only guilty thing in me now is that I didn't just come out and say it. We have to talk about everything. Heck, I'll call her now...


Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Someone Actually Made Paris Hilton Sound Good


Sunday, June 11, 2006

Birthday Calculator

You entered: 6/3/1976

Your date of conception was on or about 11 September 1975 which was a Thursday.

You were born on a Thursday
under the astrological sign Gemini.
Your Life path number is 5.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2442932.5.
The golden number for 1976 is 1.
The epact number for 1976 is -1.
The year 1976 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/31/1976 and ending 2/17/1977.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1976.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 25 April 1976.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 3 March 1976.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1976.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 13 June 1976.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 25 September 1976.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 15 April 1976.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 2 March 1976.

As of 6/11/2006 9:15:07 PM EDT
You are 30 years old.
You are 360 months old.
You are 1,567 weeks old.
You are 10,965 days old.
You are 263,181 hours old.
You are 15,790,875 minutes old.
You are 947,452,507 seconds old.

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.29158512720157 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)

There are 357 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 31 candles.

Those 31 candles produce 31 BTUs,
or 7,812 calories of heat (that's only 7.8120 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.54 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1976 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1976 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.

Your birthstone is Alexandrite
The Mystical properties of Alexandrite

Alexandrite can assist one in centering the self, reinforcing self-esteem, and augmenting ones ability to experience joy.
Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Pearl, Moonstone, Opal

Your birth tree is
Ash Tree, the Ambition

Uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with its fate, can be egoistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over heart, but takes partnership very serious.

There are 197 days till Christmas 2006!
There are 210 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were
born was waxing crescent.

Time To Return

I'm sitting here, on Sunday night, dreading my return to work. There are plenty of things I need to look after and I just know that I will be inundated with the damn questions about my trip. It will be a stand still type of day.

The other thing on my mind these days and it's been on my mind for weeks now is my girlfriend losing her job with her company having been purchased by an IT supply chain company competing with Ingram Micro in our area.

I'm only nervous because in my life, someone not having a job is always a recipe for disaster. My family has never been comfortable not working or actively bringing money in. It must be the European in us, or the immigrant in us.

In this case, my girlfriend has decided to take the summer off and spend time with her kids. It is typical of her, and it's something she's going to be happy doing. It will mean that she will either smother her children or she will be so happy to spend some time with me, away from her kids, that I will experience a whole new form of lovin'.

I almost forgot. My crazy girlfriend goes out for my birthday and buys the Canon Speedlite 420 ex flash for my camera. Think about this. I know I must drive her nuts sometimes, because I'll always have my camera with me when we go for a walk or take a day trip out anywhere. Somehow, I'm always behind a camera. Too bad baby, you're not helping at all. Haha.


Ann Coulter is an IDIOT

Any day where Ann Coulter puts her foot firmly in her stupid idiot mouth is a good day. Why people of any kind still listen to what this woman has to say, is a complete surprise.

Trip Back From Orlando

Well, I knew it couldn't last forever and by the time Friday rolled around, I was getting real antsy to get back on the plane and come back to Toronto. At first, being in a new place is fun and exciting and there is always something new to look at, but when you don't really have the freedom you want because of work restraints, you start to look forward to the time at home again.

Here is Craig in the plane, being a shy boy.

Craig's finger in the way.

A view of Orlando from the plane.

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Links... finally:

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Chilling At The Pool

I was able to walk back to the hotel today from the Convention Center. My plan? To take a small trip down to the pool and the hot tub.

It was beautiful, to an extent. After about 45 minutes of lounging around, the skies closed up and a thunderstorm made everyone scatter. Oh well... This is a family hotel. Most of the people here are all families vacationing together.

We all made an observation last night. It seems that big breasts are the "in" thing down in these parts, sort of what we all think of California and how if women there don't have implants, they aren't on par with all the other women. This surprised me. I'm still naive sometimes and I have a hard time seeing the difference between reals and fakies when they are just dressed up the same.

When I watch porn, of course I can tell the difference and it's not so hard, but all you have to do is look for the "baggy" look of the breast and voila. It's just strange to be in a country where breast implants are purchased like one would purchase a set of winter tires in Canada.

Ok... YES, before I get asked, and I know I will be. There was a woman in the hot tub, the "18 person hot tub" with me, she had bigguns, but in keeping with the family theme here, she had her two kids with her. So no... there was nothing there. I'm just making an observation here.

Oh, and another thing. I decided to take a different elevator to my room, one that is closer to my side of the building and there was a woman getting off on my floor. Now, I got all turned around and had no idea which way I was going and ended up accidentally following her to the end of a hall, which I thought was just the corner of the building on the way to my room. She thought I was following her and quickly got in her room before I could close in for the kill. HAHA...

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Drive Back From Coastal Trip

By far, the most beautiful scenery we saw, was during the drive back from Orlando, after making the decision NOT to go to Tampa Bay for the Blue Jay game. But we definitely needed a drink after all this driving and such little satisfaction.

A bucket of Red Stripe Beer. Price = $12 US. Waitiki is a really nice bar with a good patio. The bars in the smallest bar district downtown Orlando reminded me of my Montreal days.

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Coastal Drive

Here we have Craig driving the rental Ford Escape

Here is the $5 map that didn't do shit for us. This has to be the most inaccurate map EVER made. SCREW MAP SUPPLY.

We drove all the way from Orlando to Cape Canaveral, thinking we would drive down the Florida coast and see some of the best beaches in the US. Not so...

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Pictures Taken From Orlando Convention Center

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

Happy Birthday From Orlando

Today was the first day of my course. Wow, it was tough getting up at 6:30am. UGH.

Did i mention i'm 30 years old today. Yeah, nothing special actually. Everyone here is treating it like i would prefer. A simple "happy birthday man", the way i like it.

I went to a restaurant called "The Cheesecake Factory". Lots of food, good food, but the food was so good, there was no room for the cheese cake itself.

Here is a picture i took of what i was looking at when i was sitting on the patio:

Still feels like there is so much time to go before i leave Orlando. I know, soon i will think the time flew by. Never happy... right? lol. Posted by Picasa