Look Out Below
posted by n00nz at 2:26 PM
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Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Bike Ridin' Pics
Yesterday was my day to get on the bike, turn on the mp3 players and ride away my thoughts. It does help to some extent, especially when you see things like this.
posted by n00nz at 11:02 PM
1 comments
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Gwen Stefani Is a Witch
Holy Crap... how the mighty have fallen.
posted by n00nz at 3:43 PM
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Noonz as the Godfather
My girlfriend mentioned it to me a while ago, and I felt honored that I was even being thought of. Her sister might be considering asking us to be the god parents of their new baby girl, Melissa.Last night in the midst of so much happening, we were asked and I was happy to say yes. Can you believe it? Me, a god father? I do love that little girl, she's full of life and I like to hold her all the time and I'm always watching out for her as I would my own child. I mean... Just look at this face, what's not to like?
The other reason I'm happy with this is ofcourse, the acceptance of her family. It's good to feel that the family approves of me, my personality and that they feel I'm the kind of person that should be involved with the child. Can you tell this is the first time I've ever been asked to be a part of something this meaningful? It is.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 1:04 PM
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Friday, May 26, 2006
Circle Jerks
It's funny working in an office. This week has been a quiet week, since my old Italian sales buddy is on vacation. The biggest problem, at least for me, is that the guy comes, sits in my office and talks for hours on end. The guy is the reason I have a box with old files and drawings on the chair in my office, just to deter him from sitting down and getting comfortable.It's inevitable. Whenever someone is away, the rest of the people all pick on his craziness and the things that drive people nuts about that person. This was no different.
I know, I don't really like that whole human hating on human thing, but it's the nature of the beast when you work so closely with someone and you don't get to see the ones you love nearly as much as you need to and I will join in on the roasting for the most part, although I feel slightly dirty afterwards.
I know when i'm away, the same scenes take place with my name filled in the blank. It doesn't bother me. If you had any amount of time to think about each and every co-worker, i'm sure you'd find something that just bothered you about them to no end. Don't even try to tell me you don't. BAH.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 6:44 PM
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Thursday, May 25, 2006
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
A Day At Niagara
Sometimes my girlfriend's ex or whatever tries his hardest to ruin our weekend together and it's incredible to hear of a man so incapable of spending time with his kids. The man simply freaks out when faced with his kids for longer than a day or two. If it weren't for his new girlfriend, i'm convinced he wouldn't want to spend any more than an afternoon with his kids.
I like the kids though, i like spending time with them and doing new things with them. They are of the age now where they are really appreciating something new and i like the look in their face.
With that in mind, we decided to turn a negative into a positive and when he couldn't deal with his kids this weekend we took them out to Niagara Falls. It was a cloudy day in Toronto but luckily, by the time we got out to the falls, the clouds had broken.
Those faces do look a little grumpy, don't they? haha.
Links:
I like the kids though, i like spending time with them and doing new things with them. They are of the age now where they are really appreciating something new and i like the look in their face.
With that in mind, we decided to turn a negative into a positive and when he couldn't deal with his kids this weekend we took them out to Niagara Falls. It was a cloudy day in Toronto but luckily, by the time we got out to the falls, the clouds had broken.
Those faces do look a little grumpy, don't they? haha.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 7:44 PM
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Friday, May 19, 2006
Math Weighs In
Today I got my Running Room magazine delivered. Normally the magazine seems filled with just a bunch of inspirational emotionally charged stories, but this time, there is some useful information regarding calorie intake, which is really what people need to look at, rather than fat intake.
Here are some calculations you can try to figure things out. These calculations are used to figure out your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) or what I would call, the calorie intake you would have to sustain to maintain your current weight. Not weight loss, no weight gain, more or less.
WOMEN
BMR= 655 + (4.35 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years)
MEN
BMR= 66 + (6.23 x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) - (6.8 x age in years)
Here are some calculations you can try to figure things out. These calculations are used to figure out your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) or what I would call, the calorie intake you would have to sustain to maintain your current weight. Not weight loss, no weight gain, more or less.
WOMEN
BMR= 655 + (4.35 x weight in pounds) + (4.7 x height in inches) - (4.7 x age in years)
MEN
BMR= 66 + (6.23 x weight in pounds) + (12.7 x height in inches) - (6.8 x age in years)
"Your BMR is the amount of calories you need to consume if you do absolutely nothing but lay in bed all day. This equation tends to over estimate calorie needs for someone who is overweight so it may be worth using a weight that is halfway between your actual weight and your realistic goal weight. (e.g., if you weigh 200 lbs and want to weigh 150 lbs, use 175 lbs in the equation above)."
Running Room Magazine - May/June 06
The second part to this is to calculate your calorie intake in conjunction with your activity level.
Little Or No Activity - BMR x 1.2
Light Activity 1-3 days a week - BMR x 1.3
Moderately Active 3-5 days a week - BMR x 1.55
Very Active 6-7 days a week - BMR x 1.725
Extra Active training 2x a day - BMR x 1.9
By these calculations, the amount of calories i need to intake to maintain my fat ass is 1745 (rounded up). If i'm looking towards losing weight and meeting my goal i need to intake 1203 calories.
Now since you should add more calories to your diet when you work out regularly, based on my dream of actually running 3-4 days a week, i should be taking in 1865 calories per day. Keep in mind that my typical 5 kilometer run which i should be doing 3-4 times a week loses me roughly 500 calories per run.
Damn... math hurts my head.
Links:
The second part to this is to calculate your calorie intake in conjunction with your activity level.
Little Or No Activity - BMR x 1.2
Light Activity 1-3 days a week - BMR x 1.3
Moderately Active 3-5 days a week - BMR x 1.55
Very Active 6-7 days a week - BMR x 1.725
Extra Active training 2x a day - BMR x 1.9
By these calculations, the amount of calories i need to intake to maintain my fat ass is 1745 (rounded up). If i'm looking towards losing weight and meeting my goal i need to intake 1203 calories.
Now since you should add more calories to your diet when you work out regularly, based on my dream of actually running 3-4 days a week, i should be taking in 1865 calories per day. Keep in mind that my typical 5 kilometer run which i should be doing 3-4 times a week loses me roughly 500 calories per run.
Damn... math hurts my head.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 3:54 PM
0 comments
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Beat Women at Their Game
I was just listening to the Howard Stern Show and Jim Beluschi gave away one of the best secrets on how to deal with women and sex, and it's actually something I've done myself. It was strange to hear it on the radio.
When you're having sex with a woman, it's inevitable that you will eventually climax. Women know this, they expect this, it's almost something that has to happen for them to feel like the act is complete.
So the secret to gaining more sexual power is to not climax. Don't cum! This will put the thought in a woman's mind that she can't just expect that you are so tingling through her skills that you'll burst.
Once I was having sex with a girl who thought she was God's gift to man and was known for doing her song and dance with many guys but never actually going through with the act. With me, the song and dance went farther and the sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She was cold and unfeeling and I thought to myself, "how can all these guys be so into this girl"? But I suppose, the way she carried herself before being under the sheets was sexy enough that guys would expect the sex to be great. Little did they know.
Afterwards, she was curious. "Did you cum?" she asked. "Nope". It was true, I didn't cum, I was into her body and everything, but there was no way I could cum with a girl that didn't seem to express anything. It wasn't happening. I didn't feel bad about it, but I could definitely tell that this was bothering her. I just told her "I don't have to cum every time", and that's the exact line Beluschi was just saying a man should use.
I just thought that was funny. Who knew.
More Links:
When you're having sex with a woman, it's inevitable that you will eventually climax. Women know this, they expect this, it's almost something that has to happen for them to feel like the act is complete.
So the secret to gaining more sexual power is to not climax. Don't cum! This will put the thought in a woman's mind that she can't just expect that you are so tingling through her skills that you'll burst.
Once I was having sex with a girl who thought she was God's gift to man and was known for doing her song and dance with many guys but never actually going through with the act. With me, the song and dance went farther and the sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She was cold and unfeeling and I thought to myself, "how can all these guys be so into this girl"? But I suppose, the way she carried herself before being under the sheets was sexy enough that guys would expect the sex to be great. Little did they know.
Afterwards, she was curious. "Did you cum?" she asked. "Nope". It was true, I didn't cum, I was into her body and everything, but there was no way I could cum with a girl that didn't seem to express anything. It wasn't happening. I didn't feel bad about it, but I could definitely tell that this was bothering her. I just told her "I don't have to cum every time", and that's the exact line Beluschi was just saying a man should use.
I just thought that was funny. Who knew.
More Links:
posted by n00nz at 4:06 PM
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Jessica Alba and Eva Longoria
Just had to post it. Sorry... wait. I'm not sorry in the least.
posted by n00nz at 1:09 PM
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6:30 AM
It's great to once again not get a full night sleep. Ugh. When it's 6:30 am and someone decides they want to get a head start on the vacuuming, and it's not a neighbor, it's your damn mother. Fuck me.
Anyways. I had an interesting dream in which I met with a girl I used to go to high school with. She was my friend's girlfriend, so there was nothing there to be had between us, but anyway, I ended up talking to this girl and explaining what was bothering me. That no matter what i try and what i want, i can't make plans, because my girlfriend's ex or whatever will make things as difficult as they can be.
The dream was quite the revelation. I mean, i knew that stuff was bothering me and i made it clear to my girlfriend i was upset over it, but i guess it's bothering me a hell of a lot more than i thought. I was at the point last night where i was suffering an anxiety attack and now i realize it may have been from talking to my girlfriend, possibly because she's involved in the whole reason of my stress in my personal life right now, but i didn't quite get it, since i had been fighting off that anxiety the whole night.
I feel bad that she was causing this, and trust me, it's not her fault at all. I may feel that she should be capable of easing things, but the only way for her to do that would be for her to take on more of what her butthole hubby will dish out. Oh Well...
Links:
Anyways. I had an interesting dream in which I met with a girl I used to go to high school with. She was my friend's girlfriend, so there was nothing there to be had between us, but anyway, I ended up talking to this girl and explaining what was bothering me. That no matter what i try and what i want, i can't make plans, because my girlfriend's ex or whatever will make things as difficult as they can be.
The dream was quite the revelation. I mean, i knew that stuff was bothering me and i made it clear to my girlfriend i was upset over it, but i guess it's bothering me a hell of a lot more than i thought. I was at the point last night where i was suffering an anxiety attack and now i realize it may have been from talking to my girlfriend, possibly because she's involved in the whole reason of my stress in my personal life right now, but i didn't quite get it, since i had been fighting off that anxiety the whole night.
I feel bad that she was causing this, and trust me, it's not her fault at all. I may feel that she should be capable of easing things, but the only way for her to do that would be for her to take on more of what her butthole hubby will dish out. Oh Well...
Links:
posted by n00nz at 10:53 AM
0 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Loose Change 9-11 Conspiracy Theory
Since the attacks on the World Trade Center buildings in New York, i've heard so much about the US government being involved in the attacks. Loose Change is a video that puts together all the questions you may have asked or heard others ask.
Take the time out if you can spare it to watch this video. It's quite informative.
LOOSE CHANGE - 9/11
Take the time out if you can spare it to watch this video. It's quite informative.
LOOSE CHANGE - 9/11
posted by n00nz at 10:56 PM
0 comments
The Small Cog
In the world of my daily dysfunction, the downs are quick and rises are a tad behind the ball.
My breathing is very heavy today. I'm light-headed and tired. I can't seem to catch up on any of the relaxation I realized a while ago I need to function at my best. It's not even so much that I'm doing things like watching TV late, it doesn't even matter. The quality of the rest I get is not impressive in the least.
What happens to me then? I can't cope with things as easily as I normally can. I can usually "not sweat the small stuff", but when a customer gets upset or my apparent irritability pisses of my girlfriend or co-workers are just plain annoying, there is nothing I can do to make things better. In my head, I'm in a pool up to my neck.
I know I've let myself down on a bunch of things. I know I haven't been committed to things that I promised commitment to (running, rollerblading, generally getting in better physical health). I do get down on myself all too often.
Yeah, the relationship has it's difficult days too, not too many, but from time to time, I'm reminded that I'm a small part of the picture and that doesn't help any either. I mean, my girlfriend is letting me know now that my life will forever be affected by her ex or husband or whatever he is right now. No matter how much we may want to do something or plan something or be together for something, he will always have trump card because of the kids. That's just how my life will be. Simple as that. Combine that with the fact that I feel women control my life to begin with, I'm looking down the barrel of a complicated existence, aren't I?
Well. Once I get my head wrapped around things, I'm sure I'll be fine once more. Just another hurdle in the rollercoaster, that's all.
Oh, and another thing. People, once you get to know them are quite transparent, and I'm no different. There are always subtle things that happen that may change your reactions slightly, but for the most part, I figure, if I know someone well, I know if they are upset with me. It's not a good thing, but it's a trade off in favour of closeness you want.
Note to self: Coffee's need 3 sugars
Links:
My breathing is very heavy today. I'm light-headed and tired. I can't seem to catch up on any of the relaxation I realized a while ago I need to function at my best. It's not even so much that I'm doing things like watching TV late, it doesn't even matter. The quality of the rest I get is not impressive in the least.
What happens to me then? I can't cope with things as easily as I normally can. I can usually "not sweat the small stuff", but when a customer gets upset or my apparent irritability pisses of my girlfriend or co-workers are just plain annoying, there is nothing I can do to make things better. In my head, I'm in a pool up to my neck.
I know I've let myself down on a bunch of things. I know I haven't been committed to things that I promised commitment to (running, rollerblading, generally getting in better physical health). I do get down on myself all too often.
Yeah, the relationship has it's difficult days too, not too many, but from time to time, I'm reminded that I'm a small part of the picture and that doesn't help any either. I mean, my girlfriend is letting me know now that my life will forever be affected by her ex or husband or whatever he is right now. No matter how much we may want to do something or plan something or be together for something, he will always have trump card because of the kids. That's just how my life will be. Simple as that. Combine that with the fact that I feel women control my life to begin with, I'm looking down the barrel of a complicated existence, aren't I?
Well. Once I get my head wrapped around things, I'm sure I'll be fine once more. Just another hurdle in the rollercoaster, that's all.
Oh, and another thing. People, once you get to know them are quite transparent, and I'm no different. There are always subtle things that happen that may change your reactions slightly, but for the most part, I figure, if I know someone well, I know if they are upset with me. It's not a good thing, but it's a trade off in favour of closeness you want.
Note to self: Coffee's need 3 sugars
Links:
posted by n00nz at 2:53 PM
0 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
GodSmack I'm Tired
I'm so dead ass tired, I don't even know what to do with myself. My left hand is hurting, the kind of hurting someone would have when they smack a wall with their open hand, you know, like it's bruised to shit. Throbbing pain... argh.
On the other hand, I've been listening to the new Godsmack cd, and I'm completely hooked. It's like the Alice In Chains of my past without all the drug references. If you like hard music with some good melodies, this is a cd for you.
Links:
On the other hand, I've been listening to the new Godsmack cd, and I'm completely hooked. It's like the Alice In Chains of my past without all the drug references. If you like hard music with some good melodies, this is a cd for you.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 11:12 PM
0 comments
The Weekend of the Mother
What a mother's day. Having a girlfriend that IS a mother is a whole new experience for me and it doesn't scare me at all. It's kinda cool actually. She is a good mother and her love for her kids actually outweighs her love for me. Yeah, that's right, her love for me. Can you believe it?
Anyway. The kids are great. I've been holding off on writing anything about it today in fear of jinxing something, but the kids were go great with me this weekend. I remember the days when i used to write about how good the kids were and how they were finally warming up to me and letting me be a part of what's happening in their world. That was nothing compared to how it is now. I'm happy with how things are going with them. Both of the kids are so cute now and i like to just sit and watch them sometimes and soak in what they do.
I'll just do that for now...
Links:
Anyway. The kids are great. I've been holding off on writing anything about it today in fear of jinxing something, but the kids were go great with me this weekend. I remember the days when i used to write about how good the kids were and how they were finally warming up to me and letting me be a part of what's happening in their world. That was nothing compared to how it is now. I'm happy with how things are going with them. Both of the kids are so cute now and i like to just sit and watch them sometimes and soak in what they do.
I'll just do that for now...
Links:
posted by n00nz at 1:57 PM
0 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
Mother's Day Is Not Special
How dare someone expect me to work on the weekend? Hell. I'm sitting here getting some work done and letting the Nets Vs Heat game just wash over my blurry tired eyes. This laptop screen is burning a hole in my brain and all I can think of is the damn AV proposal I'm working on. I think I'll be dreaming about projection cubes instead of my girlfriend cheating on me for a change.
I'm thinking about mother's day too. It used to be a day that I would use to take my mother out to a lunch and sometimes a movie. As was customary, I didn't really get a gauge of whether or not she appreciated it or was happy at all to have something to do with her time for once. Oh well.
You know. Of every thing I've ever given her for a birthday, Christmas or mother's day has ended up on a shelf or in a box somewhere, never to be used. Wait, that's not entirely true. She's using the 15 dollar answer machine I gave her when the old tape machine finally had enough of the semi-english message on it.
This mother's day. NOTHING. I haven't even thought about getting her anything. I'm not a bad son, i just know that money isn't really an appropriate gift anymore, even though if i question her and push her to tell me what she wants as a gift, she's going to say "money". The lunch though was still a go, right? Sure it is, except this time, i have to have her boyfriend and his kids go out to lunch with us. You think i'm going to pay for 6 people for lunch? I got news for ya... well... you know. Bah.
Links:
I'm thinking about mother's day too. It used to be a day that I would use to take my mother out to a lunch and sometimes a movie. As was customary, I didn't really get a gauge of whether or not she appreciated it or was happy at all to have something to do with her time for once. Oh well.
You know. Of every thing I've ever given her for a birthday, Christmas or mother's day has ended up on a shelf or in a box somewhere, never to be used. Wait, that's not entirely true. She's using the 15 dollar answer machine I gave her when the old tape machine finally had enough of the semi-english message on it.
This mother's day. NOTHING. I haven't even thought about getting her anything. I'm not a bad son, i just know that money isn't really an appropriate gift anymore, even though if i question her and push her to tell me what she wants as a gift, she's going to say "money". The lunch though was still a go, right? Sure it is, except this time, i have to have her boyfriend and his kids go out to lunch with us. You think i'm going to pay for 6 people for lunch? I got news for ya... well... you know. Bah.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 10:47 PM
1 comments
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Sour Puss Alert
Yeah, I'm gonna rant a little. Not unlike most of my posts.
I was the first child, and as such, I was supposed to be the spoiled child and the one my parents made all their mistakes with, and mistakes were made, let me tell you. I can't exactly blame them for every mistake, since I still believe most parents make mistakes and can't help it. It's all a learning process.
So what brought this on? Well, my mother in her infinite wisdom, decided to take a trip back to the motherland instead of putting her money into something good, like paying down her debt. Anyways, I've made my mistakes as well, so I can't really hand out financial advice, I don't think.
So with this trip, I was going to be left with my sister at home, lazing about in her pajamas, eating ice cream and french fries for two weeks.
This morning, I find out, my sister has whined and bitched enough to buy herself a trip with my mother. In one way, it's a great thing for me, because the two women in my life that cause me the most strife will be out of my way for 2 whole weeks and I can just do what I want... Ok. I do what I want for the most part anyway, but at least the only person I will have to answer to, is my girlfriend.
Yeah, actually, as I type this, things don't sound nearly as bad. What burns me is that the girl doesn't do anything with herself. She hasn't been a star in school, doesn't have a job, gives everyone attitude and doesn't do anything with a smile on her face. I've told her many times, she doesn't seem to appreciate what anyone has done and continues to do for her, which is one of the main reasons why I've chosen not to do much with her anymore. So finding out she was rewarded after all this crap really left me at a loss for words.
Oh well. Yes, it's a bit of sour grapes. I've been handling myself for a while and I was pushed so far for my own means and I didn't get the kind of treatment my sister's getting now, but anyway...
... my girlfriend will tell me, "don't worry, enjoy it while the nuts are gone". That's true, I should and will enjoy it, but I know she's just looking forward to a weekend where she can moan and scream out her pleasure without worrying about family over hearing it. Dirty girl... haha.
Links:
I was the first child, and as such, I was supposed to be the spoiled child and the one my parents made all their mistakes with, and mistakes were made, let me tell you. I can't exactly blame them for every mistake, since I still believe most parents make mistakes and can't help it. It's all a learning process.
So what brought this on? Well, my mother in her infinite wisdom, decided to take a trip back to the motherland instead of putting her money into something good, like paying down her debt. Anyways, I've made my mistakes as well, so I can't really hand out financial advice, I don't think.So with this trip, I was going to be left with my sister at home, lazing about in her pajamas, eating ice cream and french fries for two weeks.
This morning, I find out, my sister has whined and bitched enough to buy herself a trip with my mother. In one way, it's a great thing for me, because the two women in my life that cause me the most strife will be out of my way for 2 whole weeks and I can just do what I want... Ok. I do what I want for the most part anyway, but at least the only person I will have to answer to, is my girlfriend.
Yeah, actually, as I type this, things don't sound nearly as bad. What burns me is that the girl doesn't do anything with herself. She hasn't been a star in school, doesn't have a job, gives everyone attitude and doesn't do anything with a smile on her face. I've told her many times, she doesn't seem to appreciate what anyone has done and continues to do for her, which is one of the main reasons why I've chosen not to do much with her anymore. So finding out she was rewarded after all this crap really left me at a loss for words.
Oh well. Yes, it's a bit of sour grapes. I've been handling myself for a while and I was pushed so far for my own means and I didn't get the kind of treatment my sister's getting now, but anyway...
... my girlfriend will tell me, "don't worry, enjoy it while the nuts are gone". That's true, I should and will enjoy it, but I know she's just looking forward to a weekend where she can moan and scream out her pleasure without worrying about family over hearing it. Dirty girl... haha.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 12:29 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Tested and Tested Again
I've decided. I will try to get some help for the CTS test I need to pass before I go to Orlando in a few weeks. There is no way I can catch up on the amount of studying it will take to get the information into my slowly aging mind, especially with all that other craziness going on in there.
The CTS test is to be taken online before I leave, so I will bribe a few of the boys with their CTS credits and have them do the test with me. It should only take an hour, so I don't see why the boys wouldn't help me out.
Yeah I know, it's unethical, but I would be in a great position to pass this test all by myself if I had been given the appropriate amount of time to get all the studying done. I'm doing a refresher course now to just recap some of the things I already know and I don't think I will be able to finish even the refresh before I leave for Orlando. I don't even really care about this CTS stuff anyway, it's not like it's going to do me any good in the future anyway. Only the AV world recognizes what CTS stands for anyway. Certified Technology Specialist.
I've spent the last 2 days away from the office on other industry training courses and it's been a wonderful thing for me. The material was interesting, I didn't have bitches to deal with like I do in the office and I didn't have another sales guy crying his tears in my office. This was all very nice. Too top it all off, the hourly breaks in the training course allowed me to actually talk to my girlfriend more than I do when I'm in the office. Between all the actual work and the seemingly endless parade of people barging into my office all day long, it's difficult to justify staying on the phone with my girlfriend for long periods of time.
I do miss her more the week after i spend the weekend with her. It's unmistakeable. Sometimes i'm just a moody bastard because of it. What can i say?
Links:
The CTS test is to be taken online before I leave, so I will bribe a few of the boys with their CTS credits and have them do the test with me. It should only take an hour, so I don't see why the boys wouldn't help me out.
Yeah I know, it's unethical, but I would be in a great position to pass this test all by myself if I had been given the appropriate amount of time to get all the studying done. I'm doing a refresher course now to just recap some of the things I already know and I don't think I will be able to finish even the refresh before I leave for Orlando. I don't even really care about this CTS stuff anyway, it's not like it's going to do me any good in the future anyway. Only the AV world recognizes what CTS stands for anyway. Certified Technology Specialist.
I've spent the last 2 days away from the office on other industry training courses and it's been a wonderful thing for me. The material was interesting, I didn't have bitches to deal with like I do in the office and I didn't have another sales guy crying his tears in my office. This was all very nice. Too top it all off, the hourly breaks in the training course allowed me to actually talk to my girlfriend more than I do when I'm in the office. Between all the actual work and the seemingly endless parade of people barging into my office all day long, it's difficult to justify staying on the phone with my girlfriend for long periods of time.
I do miss her more the week after i spend the weekend with her. It's unmistakeable. Sometimes i'm just a moody bastard because of it. What can i say?
Links:
posted by n00nz at 10:30 PM
0 comments
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Bitter Sweet
I'm very adept at picking out the good and the bad, although I have a proclivity towards the latter. The weekend was good, not great, but good.
I've always felt I'm socially awkward. It seems when people are zigging, I'm zagging and somehow the timing or the frame of mind is never right in me. This time, a wedding. A celebration of love between two people and sharing a happy night with them was a task for me.
I hate to think this way all the time, but I feel like my past controls my present, which is only a positive when the past leaves you with a lesson, letting you change your present for the better. In this case, my past time of excess and self-abuse has skewed my mind and my feelings towards others' participation in the drug and alcohol world. I'll not go into the typical diatribe of drugs in general not being a positive for people and alcohol not being far behind drugs in that criteria, but the fact is, alcohol is widely used and accepted as a main stay and making people social animals. Is that why when I don't drink at a gathering I feel so far away?
What's worse? Because someone obviously cares for me, they are concerned when I don't exactly act as they are accustomed. I'm very transparent to someone like my girlfriend. With the amount of time we've spent together, she's able to read me very well, and I can't hide things from myself and all too often act on what my mind conceives.
From jealousy to fear of consumption, I was able to put a dent into the evening. I tried to stay to myself to minimize the affect on those around me. I thought of leaving the premises for a while, go for a walk or something, but I couldn't do something that has never really brought me peace, and I'm sure I would worry someone I didn't need to put under any more stress. Hell, I didn't even want to say anything, except she's too good at reading me.
I don't like to feel a part of other's not being able to enjoy themselves fully, that is, I don't think I'm able to enhance other's good times. It's just something I have to get over... or not.
Other than that, hey, it's been a good few days. Once again, amazing sex, that I don't think was brought on by my girlfriend being buzzed from the drinking, which was good. hehe.
I do still think of a time in the future, when our time together isn't so scheduled and manipulated to fit a set of time frames. I miss the kids sometimes, even though I love the time we get to spend together. My girlfriend tells me the kids are asking about me from time to time and that makes me really happy and frustrated at the same time. I want to be there, I want to see them happy too.
Links:
I've always felt I'm socially awkward. It seems when people are zigging, I'm zagging and somehow the timing or the frame of mind is never right in me. This time, a wedding. A celebration of love between two people and sharing a happy night with them was a task for me.
I hate to think this way all the time, but I feel like my past controls my present, which is only a positive when the past leaves you with a lesson, letting you change your present for the better. In this case, my past time of excess and self-abuse has skewed my mind and my feelings towards others' participation in the drug and alcohol world. I'll not go into the typical diatribe of drugs in general not being a positive for people and alcohol not being far behind drugs in that criteria, but the fact is, alcohol is widely used and accepted as a main stay and making people social animals. Is that why when I don't drink at a gathering I feel so far away?What's worse? Because someone obviously cares for me, they are concerned when I don't exactly act as they are accustomed. I'm very transparent to someone like my girlfriend. With the amount of time we've spent together, she's able to read me very well, and I can't hide things from myself and all too often act on what my mind conceives.
From jealousy to fear of consumption, I was able to put a dent into the evening. I tried to stay to myself to minimize the affect on those around me. I thought of leaving the premises for a while, go for a walk or something, but I couldn't do something that has never really brought me peace, and I'm sure I would worry someone I didn't need to put under any more stress. Hell, I didn't even want to say anything, except she's too good at reading me.
I don't like to feel a part of other's not being able to enjoy themselves fully, that is, I don't think I'm able to enhance other's good times. It's just something I have to get over... or not.
Other than that, hey, it's been a good few days. Once again, amazing sex, that I don't think was brought on by my girlfriend being buzzed from the drinking, which was good. hehe.
I do still think of a time in the future, when our time together isn't so scheduled and manipulated to fit a set of time frames. I miss the kids sometimes, even though I love the time we get to spend together. My girlfriend tells me the kids are asking about me from time to time and that makes me really happy and frustrated at the same time. I want to be there, I want to see them happy too.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 8:47 PM
0 comments
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Lessons Learned
I've been in a relationship for over a year now, and still, every morning I come into the office and anticipate a lovely good morning message on my voicemail. It doesn't happen anymore, but when I think about how long we've been in the relationship, I shouldn't be surprised, but it really doesn't feel like it's that long. I still feel like even though we've been through so much together, our lives have still been apart enough that a year has not set in.
Yesterday I was articulating how I see relationships and although this is always in my mind, when you put it into words, it really sinks in.
When my parents got divorced, the one thing that stuck with me is that a relationship is fragile. I think maybe I've got an idea that relationships are too fragile. After all, most of my relationships have gone by the way side for much less reasons than you would think. I know that both people in a relationship need to put the work in, to pay attention to each other, cover each other, listen and care for each other, be supportive of each other. In a relationship, practically anything you do, has an effect on the other person and in my mind, it's acting independently in what is a more dependent format that causes the rough patches.
The advantage my girlfriend has with her kids is that they are young enough to not really see any of the ugliness or consequence of emotions affecting their parents. It was more difficult for me, knowing exactly what was happening and seeing my parents wrench up with emotion and feeling sour over every little thing they were being put through.
You can't guarantee success in a relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and all you can do is teach your children that with some work, they too will encounter some heartache, but with some more work, good decisions and some good luck, they will find someone who will enhance your existence while you reciprocate. There's only so much a parent can do to help their children from being hurt.
Links:
Yesterday I was articulating how I see relationships and although this is always in my mind, when you put it into words, it really sinks in.
When my parents got divorced, the one thing that stuck with me is that a relationship is fragile. I think maybe I've got an idea that relationships are too fragile. After all, most of my relationships have gone by the way side for much less reasons than you would think. I know that both people in a relationship need to put the work in, to pay attention to each other, cover each other, listen and care for each other, be supportive of each other. In a relationship, practically anything you do, has an effect on the other person and in my mind, it's acting independently in what is a more dependent format that causes the rough patches.The advantage my girlfriend has with her kids is that they are young enough to not really see any of the ugliness or consequence of emotions affecting their parents. It was more difficult for me, knowing exactly what was happening and seeing my parents wrench up with emotion and feeling sour over every little thing they were being put through.
You can't guarantee success in a relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship and all you can do is teach your children that with some work, they too will encounter some heartache, but with some more work, good decisions and some good luck, they will find someone who will enhance your existence while you reciprocate. There's only so much a parent can do to help their children from being hurt.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 9:28 AM
0 comments
Monday, May 01, 2006
A Ride
Riding in my company's work van today, with a young co-worker who just recently ventured into married life. I don't agree with his decision to marry the young lady, not that I know her at all, but he seems really young and he's the kind of guy you can't help but think of as the type that made a mistake and will hurt over it. His best friend is also the same age and is getting married next year, but he's been with his girlfriend for a long time and you can be sure that he's thought things out for a while now. Hey, I'm not an expert on relationships, trust that, but I have an opinion.
Anyways, as this guy was talking about his relationship, I was starting to look into my future and I could do nothing but smile. Hell, I don't know why. I've had cracks in my faith lately, but I don't care about all that, I was just happy to get back to the office, call my girlfriend and hear her voice. I had a good weekend with her and the kids aside from the roller-coaster inside my head.
I'll stop this gushing now.
Links:
Anyways, as this guy was talking about his relationship, I was starting to look into my future and I could do nothing but smile. Hell, I don't know why. I've had cracks in my faith lately, but I don't care about all that, I was just happy to get back to the office, call my girlfriend and hear her voice. I had a good weekend with her and the kids aside from the roller-coaster inside my head.
I'll stop this gushing now.
Links:
posted by n00nz at 9:44 PM
0 comments
About Me
- Name: n00nz
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
32, killing time, laying and waiting... fighting my dysfunction with reckless abandon.
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Previous Posts
- The Case Of The Ingrate
- Looking for Some Time
- Spring Forward? Who give a shit... really
- Home is Where It Is...
- An Inconvenient Truth
- Just Another Day
- Hot Chip
- TEN WAYS TO MARRY THE WRONG PERSON
- Be Positive
- I Feel Fat
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