Sunday, April 30, 2006

Weekend For The Parks Pt.2

I've lived close to High Park since i was 8 years old, and i've been active within the park for so many years, but it was only today that i actually took a ride on the trackless train ride through the park. It's nothing special but the kids enjoyed it.

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Weekend For The Parks Pt.1

I didn't think much this weekend. I should have realized what I was getting myself into. My mother was having her boyfriend over at the house for his birthday dinner. I knew this was the case, but still I didn't even think about getting him a present or a card or anything and I must admit, when the time came to blow out the candles, I felt a little awkward about it.

My mother pulled one of her classic moves consisting of wrapping up something she had taking up space somewhere in the house and offering it as a gift on my behalf. Hey, it was cheesy and still didn't alleviate the awkwardness but at least it was something. What did make me feel a little better is that the guy didn't really care for a gift and claimed he doesn't really give gifts, which is all the better for when my birthday comes around. I wouldn't want him to get me anything and affirm my "tool" label.

So let me concentrate on the highlight of the weekend. I had a great, although evil, 580 calorie banana cream pie blizzard at Dairy Queen. Wow, that was good, but now I feel fat. haha.

The other highlight was spending some time with the kids at the park and scoring some good pictures. Getting good pictures is always the cherry on top of... ummm, the banana cream pie blizzard. Shit. That's twice during this post I thought about that. Uh oh.


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Friday, April 28, 2006

Dinner For Four

I've been wanting to spend more time with my girlfriend's kids. I think it's important for both myself and them to be used to being around each other, I mean, after all, I think the plan is to one day see a whole lot of each other on a regular basis and they are good kids.

So with this in mind we decided a little romp in the park and dinner would be a great idea and for the most part it was. The kids loved the park and being by the water gave them a chance to see the swans with squatter rights down by the lake. Yeah, those birds can get downright nasty when pushed, but the spring is young and they haven't been burned enough by the beach dogs to get testy just yet.

As with most times out, I brought the camera.

Dinner was going to be more challenging. Never enough to entertain kids, I find. I used to be one of those people going out for dinner and leering in the direction of parents with small children hellbent on disturbing your dining experience. I always though people need to control their kids, but things have changed now for me as with so many other things and now that I know these kids well, I realize, this is just the way kids are. My girlfriend's kids are full of life and are always curious and pushing the envelope, which is something that makes them as cute as they are and sure they can be a handful when held to the restrictions of a public dining establishment.

As I commented with my girlfriend, these kids are so used to inhabiting such a bigger area than the confined dining area around our table, it's difficult for them to understand.

The most positive thing? My heart is warmed by the goodbyes. Both the kids were warm and responsive to my goodnight and goodbye. I tell you, you can gauge a lot of what children think from the way they greet you and leave you. They were warm and I feel good. Posted by Picasa


Thursday, April 27, 2006

Juss Poppin

Jean Claude Van-crap-Damme is a great dancer. I thought this was the funniest video I've seen all week. [via.themovieblog]

Yesterday I sent a bouquet to my girlfriend. Not a regular thing, but one of those new edible bouquets. I've sent flowers before and of course they are appreciated but they die off within a few days and I decided to try this edible product instead. It would be impressive and delicious at the same time.

This stuff isn't cheap I tell you, but it feels good to get a smile out of my girlfriend and make her feel better today. That's right, I said today. She was supposed to get it yesterday and then "admin assistant day" happened. We saw each other last night and the fruit would have been a good addition to the sex of the night, but hell, if she behaves, both may happen again. Haha.


Wednesday, April 26, 2006

The Space Between

Well, while I wait for today's Howard Stern show download to finish, I blog.

I go through different stages, as most of you do. I'm having a heck of a week so far in the relationship field. I feel like I'm far away from my girlfriend now, like there are worlds between us, and it's nothing either of us have done. In the last few days, there are issues both of us are dealing with in both our family lives and professional lives.

It's not the best feeling when you see your girlfriend, have amazing sex on the floor and still don't feel close, the closeness you know you feel whenever you are together in such a passionate way. I lay there with her in my arms and still I didn't feel the closeness in my head. I'm actually at a loss here, I don't know what to say or how to explain it.

Hey, I just found out my mother is going to Portugal with her new boyfriend. Well, well, I hope she has fun. She's gone on more vacations than both myself and my sister put together. It's ok though, she deserves it... I guess. Well, I guess it's party time at the noonz household.


Monday, April 24, 2006

A Blue Iris Kind Of Night

One of the best things out of the Howard Stern show since he's been on Sirius satelitte radio.

Blue Iris is an elderly lady that performs in porno. For some reason, there are guys out there that get off on old lady porn or something, or maybe it's a laugh for them.

Howard Stern has been using snippets from her movies to make a complete phone call and started dialing out in the US to see what he could get.

Download the outcome HERE

No Traffic Lights, No Problem

Fold Your Shirts

A classic already, i never get tired of watching this. I do it a few times, then laundry is over and hell if i can remember it the next time around.

4:30 AM...

Wake up. It's just a dream.

Am I cursed to have bad Mondays? Once again I had a dream about my girlfriend, involving sex and me not being happy. A while back I had a dream about her enjoying the company of many sexual partners (I'm not going to get graphic). I was so upset I woke up feeling angry, I looked over at the alarm clock on the night stand and it was 4:30am.

This night, the same thing. Well, not exactly. The time and place were the same, the dream was slightly different. This time, the dream had me in bed with my girlfriend and one of my friends (who shall remain nameless) was there as well. I didn't even notice in the dream that he was there, until she turned to him and said, "when you feel like you're going to cum, you tell me where you want to cum". Man that shit got my blood boiling. I could feel it even in my dream as I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear, "I don't like that". WAKE UP... look over at the night table and there you have it 4:30am. I was so pissed. I know it's not her fault, but I was even pissed at her a little, like upset enough I didn't think I would get back to sleep easily. What is this woman doing to me?

I spoke to her yesterday of the fear I have that with her sex drive, I don't want to be left behind, that she intimidates me sometimes. Always ready to go and always eager. It's a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.

This is the first time I've ever had dreams about my girlfriend with someone else involved. I don't like it and I'm not sure I even want to know what it might mean.


Leaving The Nest...

My mother is pushing, as mis-timed as most of her actions, this was not the time. Hell, I'm even questioning whether it's pushing or not. I think I would be more accurate in deeming it "aggressive seeding", asking me for the second time in a few weeks, when will I be moving out.

Sure, I know, I'm 30 this year and I should be out on my own anyway by now, but the thing is that she is inquiring as to when I will be living with my girlfriend. You see, it's been over a year of dating and by her book, I should be close to marriage. Damn, that woman moves fast. Since meeting her new boyfriend, my mother has started looking at moving and is looking at homes north or Toronto and is asking me what I think of the possibility that she will sell the house we currently live in. I don't mind, I don't mind at all. Memories tend to be negative in this house these days.

Here's my problem though. I don't like the comments, wait, not the comments, but the reaction to the comments both my girlfriend and I have. I don't feel pressured to live with my girlfriend and I'm very comfortable with the thought of living on my own, but I do feel a certain pressure. It's not a negative pressure although any pressure has the capability to be so.

I want everything to go well. I definitely see myself with this woman for a long time, i'm thinking of a life time. Am I just in love? "Love is blindness, I don't want to see"- U2. I don't think so, I just think after my past successes and failures and being closely in touch with what makes me feel good about myself and others that this woman and her family, her WHOLE family make me feel warm and a part of something, something I don't want to lose.

So here is my pressure. The pressure is that I WANT to be there for her, to be counted on, to be a part of a loving family. I feel the pressure from myself to be near my girl and her kids. I feel the pressure of time, which is most important at this stage of the children's relationship recognition. I know I keep harping on like a little bitch about wanting her to finalize her divorce and selling her house in an attempt to alleviate some of the pressure put on us externally, but the internal pressure is something I will feel myself. I want, I need to see the kids as much as I can too, because this relationship I have with their mother is only half of the relationship I know I'm up for, and I don't want to alienate a part of the relationship I want so much to be healthy. Time is of the essence.

I just don't want the comments from my mother to put undue pressure on my girlfriend. She's got enough to deal with as it is. I worry about her reaction to these things sometimes. I worry that she will feel like my mother is not only pushing me, but pushing her as well and that's something I don't need.


Sunday, April 23, 2006

Rainy Rain Rain

Isn't it always the case? The weekend that you look forward too more is the one that has no sunshine and nothing but rain. Every other weekend I look forward to spending extra time with my girlfriend since her ummm... whatever, has the kids. It's the time we have to watch a movie, go out for a walk, in general taking our time to really enjoy each other's company.

This became a forced movie weekend. Actually, for the first time in a hell of a long time, I actually paid for a movie. I took my girlfriend and my sister out to see "Silent Hill". After playing the video game for so long when it came out and having it scare the crap out of me plenty of times, I thought this would be a great movie to see on the big screen.

I guess I'm a little sour on the movie going experience. After all this time of sitting down at home and watching movies, I don't exactly appreciate the crowds, the over priced EVERYTHING and the way that movies need to be formulated to fit predetermined criteria someone somewhere decided would be most likely to create a hit.

In this movie's case, based on the game, the screenplay had to "explain" what Silent Hill was and what happened in that town. More time was spent on explaining away the craziness than on the actual visualization of the craziness in the game itself. Some of the scenes were very reminiscent of the game and fell in line with what I thought, but somewhere from the middle of the movie onward, the producers figured they had to hand feed the audience the story and to me it was ok, but not great.


Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Waiting Game

So, sometimes I get tired of things. I figure it's just a natural thing for me, but it might seem weird to others. For some time I don't think about the reality of my situation and I just let things happen as they do and I try to enjoy things as they are.

Then, things become clear to me and I'm brought back down to earth as though I'm some ice chunk in San Francisco.

Through the holiday season, I was under the impression that my girlfriend would have her divorce finalized and her house on the market by the time the summer rolled around and now it's clear that things are progressing at a snails pace, even slower than I ever thought it would. It's upsetting. It makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing and I try my best to keep from feeling like I'm a dolt just sitting here waiting for things to happen. Once again, I'm not familiar with being put in a spot where I can't do anything to help things along. I'm at the mercy of my girlfriend's procrastination, her husband's idiocy, and their lawyers "charge a minute" attitude.

Apart from feeling like I'm part of the reason my girlfriend is "missing" her children growing up, I feel like I'm in a position to be a part of the children's lives too, and I'm missing my time with the children because of all these "procedures".

I don't know what to do. Of course, I'm in love and I really enjoy my girlfriend, the children and her family. I just don't like feeling resentment towards what I'm going through and I don't know exactly how I'll feel when things are cleared up, but it will definitely be another huge weight off my shoulders.

I sit and wait...

UPDATE: The sharpie marker i used to remove the BITCH comment from the sign yesterday must have been faulty, because the marker was washed off. I thought that marker was permanent on everything. I want my money back.

Today i will print off my own "human friendly" sign and simply put it up over the BITCH sign.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Fighting Communism In The Workplace

Yesterday I found a new sign up in our kitchen. I read it and realized that the public sign guidelines weren't being followed. There was way too much BITCH to it. So being the responsible co-worker I am, I decided this sign needed to be taken down.

I'm all for signs at work when it's necessary. I've made some signs myself, but I always take care to make sure the sign doesn't insult someone's intelligence or single someone out. Well... a few times I made specific references to co-worker Paul and his craziness, inability to shut up or clean up after himself.

So today, I came in and the sign was back. I thought, "shall I take the sign down again?" Naw... I just took my sharpie and edited out the BITCH comment. "Last time we looked, we didn't hire a maid".

I will wait and see what Patty has to say about it now. Sometimes people really get all hoidy toidy about the public space at work. Again, I don't mind the message behind the sign, I just think in this world and workplace filled with bitchy attitude, I don't need to see it every time I go and have a drink of water.

UPDATE: Well, it seems the bitches are talking about "someone" being childish. lol.


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Better Nights a Comin

With the weather improving, the time is coming for the walks down by the Lake. It's still a little snappy out there but i remember last summer, when the sun set on the ol' city of Toronto, the couples and stalkers alike are out there.

This is a picture i took during a walk with the girlfriend last night.

Today was the day though, finally. I visited the dentist today for the first time in a long time and i felt good about it. I knew it wouldn't be my favourite thing and i still have some work to get my mouth to where i can be completely happy with myself, but today was a good start.

Let's hope the insurance company can help me out with all this.


Monday, April 17, 2006

Dingleberries and Such

One thing I have in common with Howard Stern, is that I fear a woman's affection to certain parts of my body because of the dingle berry effect. That is to say, that sometimes a man doesn't feel as fresh as he wishes he were, just like a woman.

All to often I know that I've had a long day and especially when I go for a run or just have an active day, the first thing I need to do to even feel remotely sexual, is to get into the shower and remove the filth as well as I can. How can I expect a woman to suck a dick when it's dirty, how can I enjoy it, if it's something I wouldn't dare ask anyone with an ounce of self respect to do. Crazy? I'm a guy and I'm telling you I have an issue with having a woman's soft warm tongue on my penis, yeah, that's right. I just can't get past the thought that she's going to be thinking, "holy snikes, what was that crap?". You know what's worse? I probably don't even have a good answer. Haha.

Damn... I just masturbated to Naugthy Bookworms 2. You know what I realized? The one thing porn definitely does to a guy is kill his ability to use imagination. Why bother reaching into the recesses of your mind for the image of a seductive beauty when porn puts a beauty right there in front of you, sometimes doing things on film you couldn't even imagine.

The last time I remember actually using my imagination was when I found myself in a tent at a friends cottage. Being in a tent for the first time ever, in the middle of a thunderstorm, I realized the only way I was going to get any sleep was to self perform as a method of relaxing and do it as quietly as possible, since my friend Phil was in the tent next to mine. Oh the shit guys go through.

The Easter Bunny Hates You

The Look Of Love

One of those weekends is over. The weekend was quite busy for me. Being a part of a new family through my girlfriend isn't nearly as difficult as I had imagined, but it does take time and energy, mostly because there are so many kids involved and kids are always up for some attention and drama.

It was great to look over at my girlfriend at one point in the night and seeing her smiling her lovey smile. I know she's turned on by seeing me enjoy my time with her family and especially with the kids.

The negative? The food is too good and there's too much of it. If I'm saying food is good, it usually means it's not helping my goal of losing weight anytime soon and as such I really have to start controlling myself when it comes to shoving the grub in my mouth. I have a tendency to eat really late in the evening or early morning, if I stay up late enough. Hell... it's after midnight right now and my mouth is watering as I write this. Maybe it's something I need to see my good ol' hypnotist about this.

The last 2 times I've gone out for my run, I've completed the 5k goal I've set for myself and I haven't been doing horribly with my time, but during the last portion of my run and continuing throughout my "cool down" walk, I just can't help but get down on myself, my effort and my commitment to this thing. I'm disappointed at myself for letting the winter do what it does to me and get me off my game. I don't see enough improvement, in my own eyes, and yes, I am completely aware that my own expectations might my a little unfair. I have once again gained more weight. I know that when you first start running, you don't necessarily lose weight right away, but by the third week I would expect to see some kind of progress and there just isn't any here. Oh Well.


Saturday, April 15, 2006

1st Bike Ride

Today i took my first ride down to the Lake with my sister.

Gliding on a Dream

Last night I had one of the best dreams ever. I was roller blading all around the streets around my house and I was doing it rather well. It seemed like so much fun, that I woke up this morning and decided to go out and get myself a pair on roller blades. Yeah... It's like that!

I've always said, "I'm Portuguese, I don't skate". It holds true for the ice skating, that's for sure. I don't get along with winter and winter doesn't get along with me, but this roller blading might be something different. The one thing I don't like about it, is pain. Years ago I tried once again to get on some blades and the result was a real sore butt when my legs ran out from under me and BAM... on my ass.

I'm putting it out there now. I want to learn how to roller blade this summer. I need to learn this summer. When I take my bike trips down to the lakeshore, I watch people skating by and I just wish I could do what they do, so effortlessly as they do.


Thursday, April 13, 2006

Self Esteem Left Behind

Self Esteem is fragile. I've learned that over the years, and having a teenage sister definitely helps bring out the point even further.

She's had a struggle with school for years and she's at the point at the age of 18, where she can't yet count money or tell time on an analog watch. Small things like going to the mall on public transit or maintaining an interesting conversation seems to be well outside her reach at this point.

I wonder if her developmental issues were all brought on by my parent's divorce. It seems that her crazy ticks may have been caused by just that and what's to say the slowing of her learning isn't in the same boat?

This lack of self esteem and ability to cope has cost her much. She's unable to get herself a job because most jobs for girls involve a cashier's position, where counting money is a main aspect of the work. I feel for her and I try to feel like I'm not responsible for her lack of development, but sometimes it's hard.

I'm struggling today myself. I've got my own periods of self esteem leaks. It all started with last week's weigh-in, when I found that I actually gained 2 pounds from when I got back to my running. I know I haven't exactly started a regimented diet as of yet, but the number (which I know isn't all that important) got me down. Since then, the week following it had been very tiring for me. I haven't sleep well and I haven't had the drive to keep going with what I know is good for me.

It's one of those weeks where you just feel like there's no way you'll ever get to where you want to be physically. I feel bad, but I'll manage.


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Who Wants To Be A Loser?

Chi Power

Is it a hoax of some kind?

Proof Murdered

By looking at me, people don't think I like hip-hop, but that is my favourite form of music and as most white guys wishing for fame in that industry, I would of loved to have a portion of the fame Eminem has, although I just don't need the whole gang life, dirty streets, Detroit thing.

Eminem is also responsible for bringing us D12, the side group he formed with his best friend, DeShaun Holton, otherwise knows as Proof, the "other buck-toothed rapper".

Proof was murdered this morning after getting shot in the head while at a club on the now famous 8 Mile road.

Now I know what people would think, and I have to admit, I think the same thing. How can a guy that is known to have all this money, who is famous and recognized in the streets where he grew up, where he was once living the street thug life and I'm sure had his run-ins with unsavoury types, end up hanging out where he is real likely to get shot.

Now, I know that Eminem is not hanging out in areas like this. It's not about "keepin' it real", is it? Was this guy just hanging out in the dirty part of town so people don't say he sold out? Is he maybe just not the sharpest tool in the shed?

Way to go Proof, take a successful young career in music, keep it real, and die young. It's a shame.


Tree Safety

Monday, April 10, 2006

Broken Telephone

I don't like the phone. I'm close to claiming hatred for the phone but I do use it often enough to realize it's positive attributes.

Let me step into the time machine and paint a picture from my teenage years. I was one of those people who called your house when you least wanted the type of phone call I was about to bother you with. No, no, no, I wasn't a telemarketer. That would just kill me. I was working for a few market research companies, calling your home and asking you what you think of (insert huge corporation here) and their products. It was difficult for me to do. I couldn't do it after a few years, just thinking of people sitting at home, trying to relax and spend time with their families for dinner and BAM, "Hello, I'm calling from Maverick Research, would you happen to have a few minutes to answer some questions on Heinz ketchup?".

After quitting that job, I was very happy to see myself free of telephone responsibilities. Even when I was the Admin Assistant in the company I work for now and a good portion of my job required me to answer the phone, I was the king of voicemail. I hardly ever answered the phone when it rang.

Of course now I do answer the phone. As account executive I know that any phone call is a potential sale opportunity and most of my customer like me, so I don't find myself on the wrong end of the complaints many times.

The phone now is also a way to stay close with my girlfriend. Its not my favorite thing these days. I think it's this way for a few reasons. With my ex-girlfriends there were actual expectations to be on the phone and sometimes, as with anyone, there just isn't anything significant to say and people have to admit that sometimes. I remember the days when I would spend the whole night just breathing on the phone when of course there was nothing to say at the backend of an 8 hour phone session.

My girlfriend now is very patient with my dislike of the phone. We are forced to see each other at only specific times and it would be nice to have the freedom to see each other whenever we please. The situation as it is, doesn't help anything of course, but I can't think of sustaining a relationship with as much telephone connection as I used to with my ex-girlfriends. This is the most difficult it's ever been for me. I have an incredibly hard time the few days after spending the weekend with her, laying next to her, having her next to me or being in the same room with her, able to communicate by a simple touch or look.

I feel bad though hearing my girlfriends voice, when she tries to work through the small talk that would for the most part work on other days. I know she likes to hear me talk and sometimes I think I'm either so disappointed I'm not near her that I clam up or that after giving as much time as I can over a weekend to be with her and do everything we can together, I just need that Monday to get de-compressing done. I really think it's the former though.


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Gotta Gave Faith...

Man, I'm Spent

Someday, the day will come where I will substitute waiting for my mother and sister to go to bed before having sex with waiting for the kids to go to sleep before having sex. You know... now that I read that back, I don't really see how much better that aspect of my life will ever be.

I have to believe this weekend was one of the best sex weekends I've had in a while. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that I didn't see my girlfriend for a whole week and after all the teasing games between us for the last few days, it was bound to be a dirty weekend. A lot of fun, and crazy tiring at the same time.


Saturday, April 08, 2006

Wahhh... F*ckin Me!!

When I was little, I remember my mother criticizing a certain family friend that would always bring up how much money things cost and how money was an issue for her and her husband. The couple was elderly and enjoying their retirement and still didn't want to have to budget life as though they were working and making significant income as they probably once did.

Time after time, I used to hear how stupid this woman was for putting something on the table for dinner and always having to tell everyone how much that item cost and how this was a "special treat" only to be enjoyed at this or that time of year and only with good friends. I kind of saw the point of my mother's comments at the time and still agree, that what your financial situation is or what it takes to make your day to day life doesn't need to be advertised.

So over the years since my parent's divorce, she's turned into that same woman. The kind of person that airs her difficulties to anyone who will listen. Pity is her game and it's not fitting of her character as I saw it when I was a youth. I always saw her as the fighter, the strong personality, and now she's playing this game.

Life is difficult and we all deal with many things we rather not have to deal with. I have my own difficulties which I don't share completely with people, because, let's face it, they are MY difficulties and only when I feel they are overwhelming me, will I bring these issues to others for support, NOT PITY.

I understand my mother is a woman dealing with being single (dating), a mortgage and all other expenses that come with home ownership. I know she's gone through a scare with the breast cancer she beat off, although her defeatist and negative outlook to life in general didn't quite help that situation. But all in all, her problems, financially speaking, come from incredibly bad decisions she's made throughout the last 10-15 years and hasn't proved yet learned the lessons. I won't go into detail on that now. My point is, it's fine to have the issues, it's fine to feel you need support, after all, the reality is what it is and she feels she needs help and sympathy, but I'm unwilling to meet that need, knowing all I know and seeing how she got her with my own eyes.

Today is my sister's birthday party and all smiles are on...


Friday, April 07, 2006

The Tease Game

I've sent this message to my girlfriend. Let's see what the response will be.

Anyways. This is going to be an interesting weekend. My sister is having her birthday party and it will be a regular giggle fest over at the Noonz household. Maybe a tickle fight will break out. Something about a bunch of girls getting together makes me squirmish.

I had a frank conversation with my sister and i don't know what i can do to help her anymore. The girl is now 18 and doesn't seem to be growing up at all. I listen to her conversation and what she brings to the table when the family is in the midst of discussion and her immaturity and lack of knowledge is astounding to me. I don't know how to impress on her that the ability to effectively communicate in life is important.

Her reaction is predictable. She gets upset and doesn't know how to improve herself. I just think that all these years of her not caring about general subjects like science, nature, people, society and general knowledge has caught up to her. I think this is one of the reasons she's had a hard time with her friendships. All her friends, somehow, end up turning their back on her and being highschool girls, it's natural that they just tease each other until someone develops an eating disorder.

I fear for her future though and selfishly, i feel for my future with her, because i think that somehow, i will be responsible for helping her throughout her life. It's not that i wouldn't help my family when they need help, but in this case, i think i will need to help with the "regular" things, that i would expect anyone to take care of on their own.

I'm sure my girlfriend will help me be a good brother, for a while.


35 Face Balls in 32 Seconds

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Sternly Stroked

Jebus, I'm sitting at home trying to listen to my dose of Howard Stern and of course, when he brings out the ladies with the sex toys, you can't help but get a little turned on, or somehow, the unit starts twitching forward on it's way to standing at attention.

You know what got me though? I got this response to one of my posts:
"You need your girlfriend to ride your cock and maybe even suck it for a little bit! God now that's turning me on just thinking about it.........Fuck now I really need something!!!!! Like your COCK hmmm"
Yes, this was my girlfriend at her horniest. Let's just say that to her sex is like water and a few days is like a walk in the desert. She's parched and possibly a little dillusional.

Well, I had to self perform after trying to keep my mind clear of any carnal urge, but you know how Howard Stern is.

My girlfriend scares me though, I'm only 30 this year and she's... umm... older. She seems to have the energy of a high school girl and I feel like if I feed that animal, it will kill me someday. I know, I know, as she is fond of saying, there are men out there that would love to have my issue, but hey, I'm not them. I'm happy that she's such a healthy sexual being, but I always remind her that even the best gun can fire only so many bullets. I don't know how many bullets that is, but wouldn't it suck if it was only say... ummm... 1000? Ok, that's a weak argument.

The truth is, I'm probably so out of shape and such a stupid wreck from time to time that I feel there's something wrong with me when I don't rip off her clothes and fill her tank.


Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Sickbay Wednesday

"Caught a light Sneeze"... That's one of my favourite songs.

I don't have the same immune system anymore. At least not since I meet my girlfriend and her kids. I really hope I get some ability to fight things off, geez, I really don't like being knocked on my ass everytime I decide to spend any significant amount of time with the family.

On to other things. You ever find that you have a friend that really bring a circle of friends together? My friend Craig seems to be that guy. I was at the Blue Jays season opening game last night and Craig wasn't there, but all the other guys usually involved were, and although we all get along, something was missing. On our way back to the parking lot, Tyler says to me, "We should hang out soon", and my automatic response is, "Yeah sure, whenever Craig isn't busy doing the wife thing". Ugh... I don't know why that was such an automatic response, but hell, that's what came out of my mouth and I think that's because Craig is the guy that brought the group together, and it's always been through him that we've all happened to be in the same place at the same time. Still, Tyler's a cool guy and fun to be around, so there shouldn't be any reason why I wouldn't hang around him.

So I'm sitting at home today nursing this fountain of a nose I have. My girlfriend sends me this page. Fuck, it actually got me hard. God, I must be really needing something, right?



Monday, April 03, 2006

Masturbation & Guilt

Is it wrong to ignore the phone when your girl friend calls and you're in the middle of self gratification?

Why do i feel so guilty?

Simpsons Movie Teaser

So exciting, it deserved it's own post. Not just another "links" mention.

Sure, Relationships Are Hard

I was just checking out the hotel I'm staying at in Orlando, looks nice, but too bad it's a business trip.

First off, I want to address the comment made on my last post.

Marriage is difficult, I have to think that. After many years of relationships, I know things take work. It's the amount of work required that people differ on.

How much doubt exactly is necessary to say marriage isn't the step to take? How many things not in common should people have to deny themselves of life long companionship?

I look at all my relationships and I can see in each and every one of them, something that didn't quite sit perfectly with me, and that's just human, I think. The idea of "perfect" mates is something made up and editorialized in Cosmopolitan, meaning it's something people are told to look for and in reality what people needed to find is someone who complements them while letting them be free to express who they are without trying to change the parts of them you don't necessarily appreciate fully.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that nothing is perfect. Yes, we need to think of our reasons for stepping into marriage. I've been with women who felt the reason for relationships lay with this dreamy semi-realistic world, filled with white knights, beautiful stallions... wait... unicorns and where love can conquer all. I don't mind having issues with a woman, as long as communication and understanding is clearly available. I don't expect someone to change for me although i'm willing to change a little for someone, it just depends on what exactly the change is. I've been down on marriage for a long time, especially after my parent's situation blowing up in my face, but meeting the right person has definetly made me reconsider my thoughts on the subject and i think i'm more open minded today.


Saturday, April 01, 2006

The Dating Mother

Geez, this is weird. I had to be aware that my mother would be dating again after divorcing my father, but it's still weird to see her dating. She's been with a few men since my father and that's not something I worry about really, she's human and after making a mistake worthy of a divorce, I completely expect her to take her time. She's doesn't have the keenest eye, but then again, who does?

These days, she's walking the earth in the guise of a teenage girl, "gaga" as they say and doing what you would expect a youngster in love to be doing. In one way, it's great that she's found someone this time that has a stable life and seems to have his head on straight enough not to want to "move in" after knowing her for just a little while.

Last weekend I vocalized for the first time my feelings towards my parent's divorce. I think for years I've thought that my mother didn't put enough into trying to fix her marriage. Of course I don't know every detail about my parent's relationship, other than realizing when they couldn't speak to each other any longer, the divorce was the right thing for everyone involved. The thing that sticks in my mind, is that my father was desperate towards the end to make things right and he seemed to be reaching out for help from the family and his wife to open some kind of communication and all I remember is my mother clamming up and turning away any effort of his.

Now I hear about all these crazy things that my father would do to her and how he would supposedly "mentally abuse" her, but that's her point of view and trust me when I say, when it comes to dishing out mental abuse, she could write a manual. I guess though, I've been feeling sour towards her for years about this. Nothing too terrible that I won't let it go, but when these feelings are so far in the back of your mind, you need to achieve a point in time when the thoughts come to the forefront, allowing you to deal with them.

Tonight, I go out to a nice dinner with my girlfriend, for our one year anniversary. I think I'll take her to the Spaghetti Factory. Time to eat the Italiano... food, that is.